


For Forever

by lotorslance



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dildos, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Ghost Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Post-Series, Tree Bros, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 12:13:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11897514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotorslance/pseuds/lotorslance
Summary: Connor thanks Evan for continuing to carry out his wishes in the real world in a way that the both of them can enjoy.





	For Forever

“You were just dating me because I reminded you of _Connor?”_  
  
“I know, it sounds really, _really_ stupid when you say it like that, and I’m really sorry. I—I never meant for it to be like this. I swear—“  
  
“I know,” Zoe sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear, raising up from her seat on the bench. Even if they were in this beautiful orchard, she couldn’t help but feel sour. “You’ve said that a thousand times.”  
  
“But I really, really, mean it, and I guess…I just…I wanted to tell you all this because—no, no, please, don’t leave!”  
  
She paused, giving him his final chance. She didn’t have any intention of ever seeing—or talking—to Evan Hansen again, so she figured she might as well hear him out completely, even if it was stupid, made-up crap, as if she hadn't already gotten a ton of that.  
  
“I still talk…to Connor. We…he’s…we’re…I…”  
  
“Just say it.”  
  
“I-I’ve been seeing his ghost everywhere since he died and we’ve always talked, but since everything happened we’ve been talking more because I sort of lost my only friend—well— _family_ friend—and I kinda always liked him a little, like, and I thought maybe, maybe I started liking _you_ because I actually liked _him_ but I didn’t wanna admit to myself that I liked a _guy._ But then I started liking you for _real,_ for…for _other_ reasons, but things obviously didn’t work out, and now…”  
  
“…Just say it…Evan…,” Zoe could barely comprehend everything he was throwing at her, but she got the gist.  
  
“So…so…so, we’re dating now.”  
  
“What?” She turned to him, eyes wide.  
  
“Connor and I. Are dating.”  
  
She knew better than to ask if this was a joke, so she just gawked.  
  
“Which, I know, is really, really strange because he’s— _hah!_ —he’s a ghost, but…but we decided it was something we should…”  
  
“Evan, I’m sorry, but—“  
  
“I know! I know, I know _, I know._ It’s weird. But I felt like you should know. And like, well…he…he wanted me to tell you. That was sorta…the main reason I came. To tell you. Because…he wanted it. Really bad. Because!" He held out his hand, not wanting her to leave just yet. "Because…he wants to start telling you things. He doesn’t wanna keep any more secrets. And…I don’t, either. So…even if this is the last time we talk, which I really sort of hope it’s not, but if it is—“  
  
“Please. Evan.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Zoe took a step closer, fumbling with her purse’s strap, staring down at it as she worked it between her fingers. She wanted to take him seriously, but it wasn’t making sense and she couldn’t even figure out how to articulate all the questions floating around her brain.  
  
“You’re telling me…you talk to Connor’s ghost? You’re…dating?"  
  
“H-How do you think I knew all those things about you? And this place?” He threw out his arms. “He told me! He told me everything! He didn’t come around super often back then, but now, we talk like, all day, every day, pretty much. And…and, I finally had the courage to sorta…explain how I felt back then. And when I did, he said…well, he wanted me, too. So we decided to like, give this a try, you know? Even if it’s super crazy. But, like, my life has already _been_ super crazy, y’know, so, _why not,_ right? Ahah...”  
  
She actually wanted to believe him this time. But the last time she believed Evan, everything had gone wrong…“This is just...I can’t do this, Evan. I’m sorry.”  
  
“No! Please, Zo—“  
  
A hand was on his shoulder—not a real hand that could exert physical force down on his shoulder, but the vague notion of the gesture was evident enough. And when he glanced down and saw black-painted finger nails, he could breathe again.  
  
He could be calm. And he would let Zoe go.  
  
She hurried out of the orchard fighting back the tears, leaving him standing there a bit aloof.  
  
_‘He’s right here,’_ he wanted to call out to her, _‘Your brother! He’s here and listening! Say everything you always wanted to say!’_  
  
But she’d never trust his word; not after everything. She'd never believe him again.  
  
He sighed. At least he’d tried, and that was all Connor had wanted.

* * *

Upon returning home, he’d found his ghost boyfriend pacing around his bedroom, looking almost distressed. That energy had made him feel a little anxious in turn, but he was quickly put at ease when he sat down on his bed and Connor joined him, looking everywhere but at Evan.  
  
“Wha-what? What? What’s wrong? What’s wrong, Babe?”  
  
It was unusual for Connor to be the one that had trouble saying what was on his mind. He was the one who was always straightforward, always telling it like it is…the one who kept Evan completely in check. Seeing him like this, all flustered and nervous, was almost upsetting, until he finally got to what was making him so uptight.  
  
“Just gimmie your hand!”  
  
Evan held it out to the ghost, palm up. Connor took hold of it, and flipped it around. Was he…shaking? It was driving Evan almost insane trying to figure out what Connor was on about, especially after just coming clean to Zoe.  
  
“I…so…”  
  
“Are you breaking up with me? Please tell me you’re not breaking up with me. I just told Zoe we—we were together. But if you are, I guess it’s—“  
  
_“No!_ Fuck, no, Evan,” Connor just shook his head, and took a deep breath.  
  
Evan felt something cold—colder and more real than Connor’s usual touch—on his finger, and looked down, eyes widening as he realized a thick, silver-banded ring with a skull on it, black jewels as the eyes, had been slipped on to his finger.  
  
It was from the box of random things he’d taken from Connor’s room. He’d collected a lot over his many nights over with the Murphys, including several of his hoodies, shirts, some strange knick-knacks, books, nail polish, and even this ring. According to Connor, the accumulation of his personal items in one spot made it easy for him to manifest in Evan’s room. Where other places he would only appear as a transparent torso, or a disembodied voice, here, it was easy to mistake him as a real, living being. It was only until you touched him and he was ice cold that you realized he was very dead.  
  
“I wish I could do something more. I wish I could tell everyone—I wish I could tell the _world_ you’re mine. But, like, this is the best I can do right now.”  
  
Evan stared, stunned, at the skull ring, which glimmered under the dim lighting of his bedroom’s lamp.    
  
“I guess, the best I can do _ever_ …because I…” he inhaled sharply, tensing up as he pulled away, “…fucked up. Majorly. Yeah.”  
  
“Connor, are you…?”  
  
He raised a brow, glancing at Evan sheepishly. It wasn’t often that he looked so earnest…and was he blushing? It was hard to tell, his hair was covering his face…Evan pushed it away, tucking some hair behind his ear so he could get a better look.  
  
“A-a-are you…? Doing what I think—what I think you’re doing?”  
  
“Yeah.” He leaned forward, and kissed him, clinging to his newly ringed hand tight; as tight as he could, making Evan feel it more than usual. There was nothing more that he wanted than to spend the rest of eternity with him. He just didn’t know if he could get over the fact that he had fucked up so bad, ending things with Evan in the real world just as they’d started.  
  
But there was no way to take it back now; all he could do was try to accept the past (more like forget about it for now) and move forward.  
  
Evan warmly accepted the kiss, and embraced him, pulling him into his lap, but the tides quickly turned as Connor pushed him down on the bed, smiling as the other giggled beneath him.  
  
Thank God he could gather enough energy in this room enough to do this. If it ever changed, he didn’t know what he’d do. Die again?  
  
“Evan Hansen.” He was doing his best to keep a straight face, but it was hard with this idiot beneath him that he so loved.  
  
“Connor Murphy,” Evan snickered, looking up at him with equally lovestruck eyes.  
  
“I won’t let you forget about me. That’s why I’m giving you this ring,” he lifted up his hand, and kissed it; a surprisingly romantic gesture for the other.  
  
“You really _are_ proposing…!”  
  
Connor nodded. “So don’t…think about anyone else. Ever.”  
  
“I wouldn’t! I haven’t. Connor, I…I love you!”  
  
He buried his face in his neck, and his cologne washed over Evan’s body so hard that it made him shudder beneath him.  
  
It was like he was really there; he could feel him, hear him, smell him…This was more than fine. This was everything he possibly could’ve asked for, given all his sin.  
  
“Whaddabout my sister?”  
  
“You know how I really felt.”  
  
“I’m just checking.” Connor sighed, rolling off him and staring up at the ceiling, their hands still clutched tightly to one another. “Sorry.”  
  
“For what? You’re…you’re amazing. I don’t deserve you. Like, at all.”  
  
“Don’t say shit like that, Evan. We both know you’re the amazing one.”  
  
“No…”  
  
“Yes. You fucker,” he grinned, turning to him. Evan flopped his head to the side and smiled right back at him, resting his other arm on his stomach. “I’m happy…that we can do everything now that you said we did then.”  
  
“Me too. I’m happy, too!”

* * *

Sometimes Evan wondered what a real blowjob would feel like.  
  
He hissed, arching his back and clutching to the sheets, giving Connor no choice but to pause and admire the ring on his finger. The other whined in protest, wanting—needing—him to continue on. Well, he couldn’t deny _that._  
  
“Co-Connor…fuck…don’t stop, don’t stop.”  
  
He trailed his tongue from the base up to his tip and then plunged back down without warning, hollowing his cheeks out expertly and making Evan twitch and moan. He was close to ripping the bedsheets now!  
  
It didn’t matter what a real blowjob felt like. This was sure as hell more than good enough: Connor’s icy throat convulsing around his dick, so hot and hard despite. The contrast in temperature only made him feel even better…until the other pulled away, wiping his mouth with his hoodie’s sleeve.  
  
“Why…why are you stopping?”  
  
“You’ll come if I don’t. Get the dildo.”  
  
Evan fumbled around in his bedside drawer, cheeks red as he pulled out the bottle of pine-tree scented lube and flesh-colored dildo just as Connor had told him to. They’ve done this countless times—almost every day. He knew the drill and could perform it with his eyes closed and a hand tied behind his back, but there was nothing like his boyfriend explicitly ordering him to do such naughty things. He’d never get tired of hearing it.  
  
And Connor was very well aware of his kink.  
  
“Coat it in lube, completely. You’re not getting to use fingers today.”  
  
Evan’s masochistic dick twitched at the instruction, and he let out a soft moan as he began to sloppily bathe the toy in lube.  
  
“Good…”  
  
The praise, nothing but a cool whisper against Evan’s ear (when had Connor moved up there?), made him tremble in excitement.  
  
“Now lie back…,” he pushed him down, and despite the playful chuckles when his hands drifted around Evan’s sides and tickled him, he continued on down and spread his legs for him, getting settled between them.  
  
Evan gazed up at him longingly, wishing he could see Connor naked, wishing he could take his real cock, wishing Connor was alive and well and able to fuck him into the mattress.  
  
Despite that they could do none of that, they’d sure as hell get as close to it as they could.  
  
When he sheepishly nudged the toy against his entrance, Connor put a hand on either side of him, looming over him and gritting his teeth. “Evan.”  
  
“C-Connor…?”  
  
“I can’t wait…to feel you.”  
  
Evan clutched harder to the toy, readjusting his grip as it slipped around his hand. He bit his lip, staring into Connor’s eyes, waiting for the O.K. It took him a good while to figure out that he was actually waiting for _his_ response.  
  
“F-fuck me….”  
  
Connor ducked his head, hissing as he rolled his hips forward and Evan accordingly shoved the dildo in one swift motion. He threw his head back against the pillows, crying out in a mix of pain and pleasure. He’d prepped himself this morning when he’d woken up horny and had no choice but to finger himself to climax, but he still was damn tight.  
  
The lube helped, but not as much as the gentle words of encouragement as Connor whispered to him how good he was doing, how he was so perfect and great and everything he ever wanted…how much he _loved_ him.  
  
It gave him the confidence to start shoving the fake cock in and out of himself, in time to the thrusts of Connor’s hips, groaning in attempt to cover up the embarrassing noises of the lube slopping around in his ass, coating his thighs and messing up the bed. Luckily, Connor wasn’t one to keep quiet, himself, during these intimate sessions.  
  
“Yeah. Take me deeper, Evan. Just like that.”  
  
His legs involuntarily spread wider at the reassurance, his arm straining to move it harder, faster, _deeper._  
  
Right, this was _Connor_ inside him…Connor’s dick, stretching his ass, working him open, taking him. Owning him. “I’m…yours!”  
  
“Damn right. All mine, Evan. All mine. I’m never letting you go, you’re stuck with me. You’ve been stuck with me since that day I signed your cast and showed the whole school you belong to me.”  
  
_“Oh!”_  
  
“Yeah?” Connor kissed at his neck, running his hand up his chest, fondling at Evan’s chest, watching with a lazy grin as the nipple hardened under his fleeting touch. “You like being reminded you’re mine?”  
  
He hissed when he felt the icy touch toying with him. "Y-yes…!”    
  
“Then think of it every time you look at that ring. You belong to _me,_ Evan Hansen.” He pinched the nipple for emphasis.  
  
“Ah! I belong…to you! Connor!”  
  
“Call my name louder!”  
  
Thank God his mother wasn’t home. “Connor! Connor, _Connor!_ Fuck…”  
  
“Louder! _Scream_ it!”  
  
He had no hesitation; whatever Connor would ask for, it was his to have. “ _CONNOR!_ Ohmygod, o-oh..my god…Connor!”  
  
“Move it faster.”  
  
“Oh fuck! I—I, I, I—!” He couldn’t stop stuttering—it was getting too hard to think. Pleasure was overtaking his body and mind in a lovely blur.  
  
“Are you gonna cum, Babe?”  
  
“Y-ye-yes! Yes! Yes!"  
  
“Say it,” he growled.  
  
The added intensity in his dead lover’s voice made Evan jerk forward, shoving the dildo into himself even harder, squeezing around it whenever it made its way to the deepest point. “I…I! I’m…—!”

So close...he just needed to find that _place._ In total desperation, he rearranged his hips, arching his back, wriggling around, doing anything to find it.   
  
“Say it _now,_ Evan!”  
  
The both of them felt nothing but _alive_ as Evan found his prostate and slammed _Connor's cock_ into it as fast as his wrist would allow.   
  
“I’m—c-coming!”  
  
Connor wrapped a hand around his dick and pumped, eyes locked on Evan’s, not planning to look away until he got what he wanted. “Coming for who?”  
  
The added pleasure quickly brought him to the edge he'd already been teetering on. Evan didn’t want to break their stare, but he had no choice when his eyes involuntarily rolled to the back of his head and his body convulsed, cum spurting out all over his stomach. “Y-you…” he muttered weakly, a bit too late as he grabbed at Connor’s hand on his chest and squeezed it, fighting to catch his breath.

* * *

“Do you taste it?” he sleepily murmured when he'd finally regained enough strength to look down at Connor, watching him lap at his belly full of cum before it would be hastily cleaned away with tissues and a well-deserved hot shower.  
  
“Barely. But if I think about it hard enough, I can.”  
  
“What do you think about?”  
  
Connor blushed and pulled away, looking to Evan’s closet and not answering until Evan tucked a strand of his pretty, dark hair behind his ear.  
  
“About how mine tasted. I can sorta remember it, so when I’m licking this…it just all comes together and it feels real.”  
  
“You tasted your own?”  
  
“Doesn’t everyone do that?”  
  
Evan laughed, sitting up, reaching down to tug the dildo out of himself. “Iunno. I guess…I guess I’m pretty weird, so I’m not really the right person to ask.”  
  
“So you never did.”  
  
“No.” He reached down, scooping some up on his pointer finger and raised it to his mouth, tentatively giving it a lick, and made a face.  
  
“You don’t like it?”  
  
“N-not really.” Evan shook his head, sticking out his tongue.  
  
Connor settled next to him in bed, leaning against the pillows and closing his eyes. “Would you taste mine if you could?”  
  
“O-Of course! Of course I would! I mean, why wouldn’t I? You’re…,” he paused when he realized the word that was about to roll off his tongue, his cheeks darkening, “…my fiance?”  
  
“What’s up with the way you say it?” He cocked a brow.  
  
“I can’t believe it: I can’t believe how lucky I am!”  
  
Connor watched him in silence, before taking his hand back in his and intertwined their fingers.  
  
“I’m sorry it took me so long, Evan. I was such a douche, I couldn’t even tell you how I felt when I was alive.”  
  
Evan shook his head, breaking their hold in favor of pulling Connor in his arms and closing his eyes. “I’m just glad I have you at all.”  
  
“You’ll have me for forever.”  
  
Zoe was just the start. This time around, he was going to be completely honest with everyone, no matter how crazy they thought he was. He would show his mother the ring tomorrow, and tell her everything from start, to finish. The real, actual story.  
  
The story where he was madly in love with Connor Murphy.  
  
“For forever,” Evan hummed softly in agreement.

**Author's Note:**

> Has Evan gone completely delusional or are ghosts real? That's for you to decide.


End file.
